[	mood	|	thankful	]
[	music	|	Vertical Horizon*	]

Things are still kinda the same..I don't know. I talked to him about everything the other night, I've decided to just give him time. I don't know if or when we'll get back together, but I'm hoping. I just feel so much better since our talk though. I'm starting to understand a little more but it's still sort of confusing and it still hurts. =/ But I'm getting by.. thank god for all of my WONDERFUL friends :) You all have helped a whole lot. You keep me smiling :)

*KyleP*KyleC*Meg*Becca*Brooke*
    *Sam*Amber*Heather*Barber*
~Laci*Jessica*Katy* Thank you girls :)

It means a lot =)

[	mood	|	Crushed/Depressed..	]
[	music	|	Nothing	]

Well, everything sucks lately.

We broke up... :( I don't even know what went wrong? It's still not making any sense. I had no idea it was coming, It was pretty much out of no where. He said he didn't want to get hurt even more in the future if we were to break up in a year or so, but the thing is.. none of that matters, everyone will go through it in their life. It doesn't matter who you're with, you'll get hurt sooner or later. I guess I just wasn't worth it to him.. I've been crying since 8 saturday night... I stop sometimes but I just start back up again. It definitely sucks and I'm very hurt right now. I don't even know what to do anymore. I mean If he doesn't ever think we'll get back together again then I guess theres nothing for me to do but move on... I don't want to move on at all. I'm going through so much pain right now, I didn't think it'd hurt this much but it does..=( It's a horrible feeling. I'm feeling so many different things right now. My head is killing me from all this crying. I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't even know why he was with me to begin with.. he deserves someone better. I'm not good enough for him, or for anyone..

...I had to vent...
After all, this is a journal..

I'm sorry =(

[	mood	|	bored	]
[	music	|	Frankie J- More Than Words** :):)	]

I'm home sick...just looking at some things and I found this story, I cried!*! :-(

He closed his eyes as he softly touched her face. Thinking about the last time he had held her in his arms. They were coming home from her soccer game and they sat in the back seat as he held her. Everything between them was falling apart but he had to hold her one last time just to say goodbye. He could tell that she knew it was over but she didn't want to accept it. What started out, as a friendship had grown into a deep caring for each other, maybe to deep? He didn't know what would happen to them, they had promised to always be friends... but that wouldn't happen to them. He got out before things got to serious but he had hurt her in the process. When he saw her in school he could tell she was putting on a front that was how she was, stubborn as all hell. But he still had all the good memories to think back to. He still thought about the fireworks that Fourth of July. That was a fun night, he still could picture her on that blanket laughing as they made fun of people ooh-ing and ahh-ing. Then came all the nights at her house, very rarely was it just the two of them, but he never minded. He could still hear her sleepy voice answering the phone the night he called to tell her about the accident... he knew she was upset but he couldn't do anything but assure her he was okay. Everytime he saw her with his visor on it took him back to the night at her house. The sleepovers were the best though. Then after the dance when she fell asleep in his arms... he didn't want to sleep and miss any of it. He could still picture her face with tears streaming down it the night they got in a fight, what the fight was about he didn't remember, but the fact she had cried hurt him. He would have done anything to take it back so she wasn't hurting that night, but he couldn't all he could do is hold her. The longer he had his eyes closed, the more things he thought about... the nights on the floor in her living room, after the football games, or at his house. All the times he had held her in his arms and softly kissed her. He could still remember the first time they kissed. She was lying on the couch and told him to come over and he did and she reached up and kissed him. She will never know how much he wanted her to do that... or how much he wanted to kiss her too. But now all those memories were in the past because she was no longer his. Maybe he should have held her more or kissed her more or even told her how much she meant to him a little more often. But now he couldn't because in a split second he had lost her. They said she had crested the hill and slid on the ice... the car went across into the other lane and hit the ditch. The cops said she was only doing roughly thirty miles per hour, but the car hit the ditch and slipped, it skidded down the embankment on its roof. She was dead by the time he had gotten the news in school. The night before they had decided it was over and he didn't get to see her after that. He was in a state of shock when he got to the hospital and saw her lifeless body lying there in the bed. He wondered if she knew what was happening, if she was scared, if she suddered and what she thought about in her last minutes. Now standing beside her coffin he bent over and whispered "friends forever" and walked away

=( Just thought I'd share that.

lets face it, we've changed .. we've all changed. Somewhere
between summer ending & school starting, we've all gone our
own directions. Hearts were broken, friendshipss diminished,
new loves started & new people came into our lives. We no
longer spend all of our time together in our circle of friends,
we no longer talk for hours about nothing at all. Some of us
are findng love while others are trying to let go. Even though
we've changed we all know that even though we're all finding
our own place in the world that when we find love, let go of
a love, or when the tears fall or a smile spreads across our face
we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy
world takes us & no matter what happens nothing will change
so much that we'll just forget each other

[	mood	|	chipper	]
[	music	|	Blue October- Calling you	]

Hello there everyone :) hehe* I haven't updated in like a year! It's been forever. Umm..let's see, nothing too much has been going on with me lately! Just school, cheerleading, hanging out with my lovely bf =) Very happy!

~Hmm...Thursday night Sam came over, we got ready then went to the JV football game... Fun stuff there. Chatted with Melanie, Craig & some others! After the game Sam & me came back here, had some fun! That's about it...*Friday* was the game at Goodrich, I was FREEEZING. It was soo cold...I saw one of my friends from Brandon that I haven't seen since literally 3rd freaking grade!! It was soo weird! I miss her :) *Saturday* I got up around 11, got ready then me and my mom went shopping to great lakes! Got an outfit...then we had to rush and go to our hair appt. I got my haircut, it's pretty different...definitely shorter, but not too short! lol* and I actually like it... :) Then after my haircut I came home, changed and then amir picked me up and we went back to his house, watched some movies, and went to visit his friend James... Came home around 1 in the morning. Chatted with Kerri & Allison for a while then went to bed. Thats about it for my weekend so far... I'm definitely happy we don't have school tomorrow! =) YaY*!

Anyone wanna hang out tonight let me know! :)

*LoVe*YoU*=)

[	mood	|	How Sad* :(	]
[	music	|	Nothing*	]

Awh, I found this quote...It's so sad* :(

A senior in high school straight A's too
Never once got the chance to say "I do"
...Her life, taken by one careless mistake
the person in the other car decided to make
He had a few drinks and thought he was fine..
but he must have really been out of his mind..
as my teardrops flow onto your icy grave
I know at once you'd want me to be brave
--drinking and driving just dont mix--
so please don't put them together like this.
cause it might be your teardrops on your best friend's grave
and honestly I wish I could be brave
but bravery like yours is so hard to find..
-when the only time you'll see your best friend again, is in your mind-

[	mood	|	calm	]
[	music	|	Nickelback-Photograph*	]

*I *LoVe* These Quotes!*

To let go isn't to forget, not think about, or ignore.
It doesn't have feelings of anger, jealousy or regret.
Letting go isn't winning or losing. It's not about pride.
It's not about obsessing or dwelling on the past. It
isn't about loss and it's not defeat. To let go is to ...
cherish memories, but to overcome them and move
on. Letting go is accepting. Letting go is having the
courage to accept change, and the strengh to keep
moving. Letting go is *GrOwInG  uP*

It's hard to think about growing up when you're right in the middle of it. It's hard to know what you want. Sometimes there are so many voices in your head, It's difficult to know which one of them is yours. You want this, you want that. You think you want this; and then you want that. You think you ought to want this; but everyone says you're supposed to want that...it's not easy...

I sat for hours wondering what I had done to deserve any of this pain that I was feeling. Wondering what I had done to make him go away. Wondering what I had done to make him break my heart in two. And as I started to cry, I began asking myself why I ever said "I love you"

It's no big deal. Break her heart. Let her down. Make her cry. You 'LoVe' her, right? Everything is fine. Hold her hand. Lead her on. It's no big deal. She's just a girl.

I never thought I would risk the chance of getting hurt again. But for some reason... when I'm with you, it all seems worth it<33*

when i'm with you its like your hands fall into mine
& my whole world disappears as our lips collide

Keep your head up there's people who would kill to see you fall.

Isn't it funny how you hate the guy who broke your heart
yet when he comes running back your arms are wide open? :-/

Latley I cry for no reason at all, my emotions go up && quickly fall. My head is all mixed up and I'm so confused. Looks like another use and abuse, out of nowhere the tears stream down my face && always in the worst possible place. I'm always down, wearing this frown so please tell me what will make this feeling go away... I just want it to leave but it wants to stay

sometimes you only forgive someone because
you can't stand not having them in your life~

I hate how we don't talk for weeks
but then all of a sudden you talk to
me again && its like as if
nothing happened...&& i s l o w l y
start falling for you...all over again

When she smiles, you know
somethings missing because
her eyes don't shine like
they would if he was here<3

I needed someone, no one was there... I asked for help, no one answered... I begged for forgiveness, no one cared... I screamed for attention, no one took notice... I cried for you, no one dried my tears...

you just have to go after what you want... & if
it doesn't want you back then so be it - it doesnt
deserve you anyways~~NiCOlE RiChiE*

I'm the girl...the one thats always lost. The one who fakes a smile. The girl who seems so strong but daily continues to break...that girl whose always there and seems to have no problems of her own. The one who holds back tears until she's off the phone. That girl that is in LoVe with a guy who doesn't even try to understand.

*If you keep trying so hard to be something you're not, you'll miss out on everything you were meant to be*

I loooooved them!* :)

[	mood	|	Bored*!	]
[	music	|	BSB- Just want you to know	]

*A smart girl *KiSsEs* but never LoVEs. LiSTeNs, but never BeLiEvEs...And ((LeAvEs)) before she is LeFt.

-More people would LeArN from their ((MiStAkEs)) If they weren't so busy DeNyInG them.

I finally learned what life's all about..hanging on when your hearts had enough and giving more when you wanna give up<3 Nicole Richie*

True friends, true hearts.
that's all you really need in life.
-uptown girls .

These are supposed to be, like, the easiest days of our lives. i mean, we're supposed to be in there with our friends, you know, coming up with ridiculous drinking games and making each other laugh. i think we've all kind of figured out that the real world is a pretty crappy place, so what's the rush in getting there? <3 -- DAWS0N`S CREEK .

*Shoot for the MoOn. If you fall, you might catch a *StAr*

You have to stand up for what you believe in
& sometimes you have to stand alone*

"And, although we adore men individually we agree that as a group they're rather stupid" -Mary Poppins

Have you ever heard a song from so long ago
with so many memories tied to it that it made
you cry? & didn't you wish you could go
back into time when everything seemed so much
simpler and carefree? those are songs that are
the soundtrack of our lives..the ones that bring back
childhood memories, best friends, first love, first hearbreak.

Thanks to those who hated me,
You made me a stronger person.
Thanks to those who loved me,
You made my heart grow fonder.
Thanks to those who envied me,
You made my self-esteem grow stronger.
Thanks to those who cared,
You made me feel important.
Thanks to those who entered my life,
You made me who I am today.
Thanks to those who left, You showed me that nothing lasts forever. Thanks to those who stayed,
You showed me the true meaning of "friendship".

things will happen in your life that you can`t stop . . . but that is no reason to shut out the world. - Now And Then .

theres a point in your life
when you realize who matters,
who never did
& who always will .

"the past can hurt. but you either run from it or learn from it"
--The Lion King

life is about trusting your feelings &
taking chances, losing and finding
happiness. Appreciating the memories
and learning from the pain & realizing
that people always change.

*=)*

[	mood	|	VeRy tired*!	]
[	music	|	Nothing*	]

*FrIdAy* Amber came over & we hung out for a while then TJ & Kyle came too. It was good to see Kyle cause I haven't seen him all summer. Then TJ took us to Derrick's house cause he was having some people over. Not too fun there :( Joey T & Joey B took Heather, Amber, & Me back to my house around 3 in the morning then we passed out.

*SaTuRdAy* Amber left but Heather stayed & we just laid around and I was supposed to go to the Alumni game with AJ but he didn't call me all day or anything so I didn't think he was coming so me n Heather left for a little bit & then we came back home around 6, found out that AJ did stop by...*sorry=(* but then Allison, Autumn, Heather & Me left for the game. After the game we came back home, changed & then went to Jace's party. It was pretty fun I suppose! :) We didn't leave there till around 4 or so in the morning! Very long day!

*Later Loves*

[	mood	|	crappy	]
[	music	|	Kelly Clarkson-Because Of You	]

*HMm* Last night was alright I suppose. I got a call from Andrew & Brandon and they said they were on their way over and I wasn't ready or anything and Amber was on her way so they left and came back after a while. Somehow... Luis, Chad, Diego, & Nick came over too as well as Brandon & Andrew! *Lol* So yeah...I don't know! Good to see Brandon though cause I haven't seen him in a while=)

*Today Amber & I woke up and we got ready then we went to Great Lakes to do some shopping*! YaY* It was definitely needed. Lol. I love shopping it gets my mind off of everything, usually. We stopped into Circuit City, said Hi to Mike, Jeremy & Nate for a while cause all three of them were working! Anyways, I got some cute clothes. :) When I was in American Eagle this guy came up to me and kept asking me for my opinions on these hats he was thinking about getting, It was pretty fun. I talked him into the cute hat! =) Lol Nice boy :) Then when we got back home amber & I changed & went to Cheerleading practice! After cheerleading Allison & I went to Lapeer to get some things then we decided to stop by Kerri's new apartment. It's nice! I'm proud of her! :)

XoMissLyndsXo: Lets Mess With your Feelings and Act like there was nothing because My Hearts is as small as my dick
CaLi  LoVe015: hahaha Yes!
XoMissLyndsXo: BOYS BLOW ASS WHOLE!!!
CaLi  LoVe015: Sure fucking do

XoMissLyndsXo: Do you need me to Beat His Ass
XoMissLyndsXo: I got big guns!!

*Haha*Lyndsey JOHNSON, I love you SoO very much dear! :)

<3Love You*

[	mood	|	blah	]
[	music	|	Movie**Thirteen*	]

WoW*! It's been quite a while. Lol. Uhm, I guess I'll start with Cheer camp, that was pretty fun :) Monday night Atwell came over & we went to wal*mart to get some things, then went back to my house got ready for cheer camp. Tuesday morning we got there around 8:45. We learned some cute dances & quite a few cheers. The instructors were cool. We've been planning a lot of things for this season, it's definitely going to be very fun. :) We're all excited!

I left last thursday for Tennessee (Day after camp) ...the ride down there wasn't too bad at all. I was extreeeeemely happy to get away & just to be there! I absolutely love Tennessee. It's so pretty & there's lots of stuff to do, lots of hot guys... =) Lol* Yeah...that was definitely a fun trip! We left for home yesterday around 1:30 in the afternoon and we got back home around 11:30 at night. Fun stuff though. Met a guy named Linzie, yeah...I've never heard of a guy named Linzie before but, that's okay. Lol Hmm, that's about it. Once I get the pictures developed, I'll try to post em up. :)

Today picked up amber around 3:30 then we hung out at my house for a while then went to cheerleading practice. Danced for a while & chatted. :) FunFun. Then we came back to Ambers afterwards & we've been doing a whole lot of nothing! Hehe*

*That's About It*

Much Love*XoXo*!

[	mood	|	bouncy	]
[	music	|	The Used- Taste Of Ink	]

aWHh*! I Miss My Paulie Again! :o)

*LoVe Him*!

[	mood	|	SOo HaPpy*!	]
[	music	|	Foo Fighters	]

*Oh My Goodness*Long Day! Okay, first off, I woke up around 9, got ready then went to my Uncle's funeral with my Grandma. :( We get there, I'm sitting down... then I glanced around real quick, and I saw people pointing & waving at me... PAUL!!!!!! *&* his family! Ohh my gosh! I was SOOOO surprised & extremely *HaPpY* to see him! If you don't know who Paul is and you're wondering why I was surprised, Paul was the guy Heather *&* I met in Florida (he lives in Ohio) and spent every SINGLE day with him! So Paulie *&* me chatted a whole lot, I missed him SOO very much. He was at my Uncle's funeral because his Grandpa was my Uncle's brother. But we aren't related so, that's good*! Haha* The whole family wants us to hook up*Lol*It was quite embarassing they kept saying .."You're both really cute, and guess what? YOUR NOT EVEN RELATED!!" But WoW* That definitely had me smiling all day, still am! Paul's honestly one of the nicest guys I've met and he's so cute :) I was VeRy VeRy happy to see him, got some hugs! ;o) Ahh I absolutely love the boy! He was really sweet! Hmm...then we stopped at Meijer real quick, ran into Luis...AGAIN! Lol* He stopped by there before work so I talked to him for about 10 minutes, he showed me his new CD player he got for his car!

Welp, that's about all for today. Don't think I'm gonna do anything tonight...lay around *&* watch Degrassi* Haha* YESSS! :)

Later Loves*!

[	mood	|	Wayy Too Much Thinking. =/	]
[	music	|	Nothing*	]

After all is said and done, I still think you're amazing. I still cherish every moment I spent with you, every smile you brought to my face. I'll be forever thankful that someone like you was brought into my life, even if you had to be taken away too soon. See, you were my miracle. You were the fairytale I got to live I just want it BaCk....

*&* It's over before you know it. It all goes by so fast.
Yeah the bad nights take forever & the good nights don't ever seem to last.. <\3

Eh...I wanted to change the username, so here it is*! Lol* I'll update later on!

<3 Add Me!